Daily Devotional, Sept 26, 2023 Parenting Tweens
"Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord." Ephesians 6:4
Day by day, as children grow up, they too develop their own character. As mothers, we sometimes get surprised by how different each of our children’s way of thinking could be despite having the same parents, environment, and even school community.
As they grow older, they develop different sensibilities and show it outwardly through their mindset, behavior and general attitude towards others and life itself. And this is where the challenge for us parents tend to be. As we try our best to mold them to have a godly character, negative behavior seems to crop up. This is of course natural since their minds are not fully developed yet. As their parents we have to train them, and encourage them to follow Jesus.
For moms in this season, who are day in and day out struggling to deal with these “growing pains” and not-so-pleasant tween and teen behavior, take heart that you are not alone. Countless moms all over the world are experiencing this “rite of passage.” And though we are being challenged, we are being invited to equip ourselves with knowledge and wisdom on how best to navigate this particular parenting season.
The answers and the guide posts are all found in the Bible — the Book of Life. In dealing with our teens and tweens, let us heed the Word of God and take a cue from the countless stories about His love, abundance, and parental greatness.
In the Book of Genesis for instance, the Lord showed us how to best “confront” our children who have disobeyed our commands. Genesis chapter three talks about Eve eating the forbidden fruit and how the Lord punished them thereafter. In this particular story, we can deduce the following:
1. We should set clear ground rules and make sure that the children understand it. In the story, it is clear Eve understood the rule as she repeated it to the serpent: “The woman said to the serpent, ‘We may eat fruit from the trees in the garden,but God did say, ‘You must not eat fruit from the tree that is in the middle of the garden, and you must not touch it, or you will die.’” In the same breath, we must make sure that the kids know what we are expecting from them and they clearly know the rules at home and in school. This can only be attained through proper communication.
2. Ask questions and let them explain their side even if you seem to know already about their transgression. In the bible story, the Lord asked the following questions after Eve and Adam violated the rules in the Garden of Eden:
- “Where are you?” (v.9)
- “Who told you that you were naked? Have you eaten from the tree that I commanded you not to eat from?”(v.11)
- “What is this you have done?”(v.13)
The Lord still knew what they had done since He is OMNISCIENT (all-knowing God) but He still gave them a chance to answer. In line with this, we should also allow our children the chance to speak and defend themselves if needed since the Lord has modeled this show of mercy, and at the same time we are not like God who is all-knowing.
3. Enforce the consequences. The Lord is a merciful God, but He is a just God as well. After talking to Adam and Eve, the Lord cursed them for disobeying His commands, and made them live the consequences of their (sinful) actions: “To the woman he said, ‘I will make your pains in childbearing very severe; with painful labor you will give birth to children. Your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you.’ To Adam he said, ‘Because you listened to your wife and ate fruit from the tree about which I commanded you, ‘You must not eat from it,’ ‘Cursed is the ground because of you; through painful toil you will eat food from it all the days of your life.'”
If we will take a cue from what God did in the Garden of Eden, then we should make sure that our children also learn from the consequences of their actions. The rules should not be wishy washy and both parents should enforce it. For instance, if they did not do their chores, then they would have less TV time, or whatever penalty you have clearly set for them.
4. Provide their needs. Even if Adam and Eve disobeyed the Lord’s command, and the Lord punished them, God was still merciful enough to provide for their needs: “The LORD God made garments of skin for Adam and his wife and clothed them” (Genesis 3:21) In the same way, we should still provide for the needs of the kids even when they are grounded, on a time-out, or are being penalized for the consequences of their actions.
Four other bible truths can supplement the lesson from this chapter in Genesis.
1. Do not let the sun go down on your anger (Ephesians 4:26). Do not sleep without properly talking to your child and explaining everything that has happened and how both of you can move on from it in a godly way.
2. Renew your mercy every morning (Lamentations 3:22-23). Let us follow the Lord’s example of renewing His mercies for us every morning. Every day is a new day, so forget what had happened yesterday, and give your child a chance to be better and improve his character.
3. Do not keep a record of wrongs (1 Corinthians 13:1). It is said that Love does not keep a record of wrongs, and so let us not harp on a past failure whenever our children commit mistakes. This will just lower their confidence level to work for the better, and at the same time, they might feel unloved.
4. Refrain from saying unwholesome words, instead motivate them with talk that could help build up their character and outlook in life (Ephesians 4:29). It is very easy to nag our kids and say words that could possibly hurt them when we ourselves are hurt as well by their actions (and inactions). Let us refrain from doing that because it will create deep wounds within our relationship with them, and it could hurt their confidence level as well.
As Christian parents we are being called to counter the world’s values and lead our children towards Christ, so that they too can earn eternal life in Christ Jesus.
Thank you for reading through our devotional today. I invite you to ponder on Genesis Chapter three to dig deeper on today’s topic.
Reflection Question: Are you experiencing challenges in raising your tween and teenager? How can the bible help you in having the spiritual, emotional, and physical strength to guide them through these years?
Conversation with the Lord: Heavenly Father, I am deeply thankful that you have provided us parenting wisdom and guidance through the bible. Give me the confidence to draw spiritual strength from your words so that I could raise godly children. Amen.
