Marriage can be difficult, but the relationship between two loving parents after a divorce can sometimes worsen. It’s not always easy to end things in a friendly way, especially when children are involved. For some parents, divorce can be as emotionally draining as financially crippling.
In order to get a healthy relationship back with the child, each of the parents must understand what the other person is feeling and how to best communicate about it. Co-parenting can be a lonely journey for both parties involved, but it will be worth taking. If a parent can learn the other person’s perspective and adjust their behavior, it will make a big difference in the long run.
Co-parenting can have positive results for both parents and children if they are willing to acknowledge each other’s feelings and emotions. It may even enrich each parent’s life as they have a chance to meet as friends outside of their marriage, allowing them to see each other in a different light. Although it’s sometimes easier said than done, there are a few healthy boundaries you should implement to keep things running smoothly.
Why do we need boundaries?
We all need boundaries in our lives. They help us feel safe and secure and know where we stand with other people. Without boundaries, we can easily become overwhelmed by others’ demands and expectations, and our own needs can get lost. Having strong boundaries also allows us to be more compassionate and understanding towards others because we can see them more clearly as separate individuals.
Observe Boundaries:
As co-parenting can be a lonely journey, you should carefully observe your boundaries with your ex-spouse. You need to consider what kind of relationship you want with them. Are you looking to be “just friends,” or are you trying to recreate the marriage? Do not respond emotionally to their actions unless it involves your child.
Remember that there may be times when your ex-spouse will try to get a reaction out of you, especially if they are feeling threatened by your presence in their life. It may be best to keep your emotions at bay and slowly move back into a friendship with their support.
As a parent, you always have the option to create boundaries with another parent. However, you must respect the other parent’s boundaries and treat them as an individual when raising your child. Do not criticize their parenting or character; instead, focus on being open to new ideas and support.
The following are five healthy co-parenting boundaries that you need to implement:
1. Boundaries around communication
Communication, especially around children, is challenging in co-parenting relationships. However, it’s a must-have for healthy bonds. The key is to consider your ex-spouse as someone separate from you and therefore can have a friendly conversation with them. While everyone may have an opinion about the best way to discipline their child, you will always respect another person’s viewpoint.
To have effective communication with your ex-spouse, do not share the details about what was said in the house. You need to be careful not to appear like you are trying to control them or intimidate them. Also, for your child’s sake, try to avoid heated disagreements. Remember, your child is a sensitive person, and if you are constantly arguing with each other, it may confuse them.
2. Boundaries around parenting
When parents co-parent in the same household, they need to respect each other’s parenting styles. Although there will likely be disagreements in this area, it is important to avoid criticizing each other’s parenting. This can be tricky because both parties may feel like they are “winning” when chatting about their ex-spouse. However, these comments can lead to feeling permanently insecure and paranoid about their parents.
Be sure to avoid sarcasm and other behaviors when attempting to have a friendly conversation with your co-parent. Instead, focus on being open-minded and having patience as you watch your child interact with their new parent. It can be very frustrating when you’re used to the way things are done, but this will help the child adapt.
3. Boundaries around personal information
When you co-parent and share the same household, your ex-spouse will likely ask you personal questions. It can be difficult to explain the information they are looking for and what can be private, but it’s important to explain how to respect your right to privacy. If you feel comfortable, talk if there is anything you want to keep confidential. However, be careful not to share private information about their child or another relative that may hurt their wellbeing.
As you see, being a parent in the same household means that you have the chance to interact with your ex-spouse. It’s important to follow certain boundaries when discussing private information and issues, such as discipline.
4. Boundaries around money
It’s important to set a dollar amount with your ex-spouse on how much you pay for your child’s care. If one parent does not share equal parenting time, then it may be difficult for that parent to pay for the child’s care if the other parent has custody. You should create a list of expenses and decide which expenses each parent will pay for; this list should include regular food, clothing, shelter, and transportation.
Ideally, you should have a financial agreement to cover medical, prescription, and other miscellaneous expenses. However, it’s essential to establish these boundaries with your ex-spouse at the proper time.
5. Boundaries around time
Many parents do not have enough time with their children due to the long distance. You can arrange for your child to have time with their other parent by giving them a specific location, date, and time. Furthermore, you should try to schedule a small amount of time so that you can discuss the importance of following through with it. This is important because your ex-spouse is more likely to respect your needs and give them the same consideration as they would want.
As the child grows, it will be easy to spend time with their parents. If the child can spend time with each parent independently, this is even better. If you cannot have separate sleep times, consider using a baby monitor that connects you and your child. With this information, you can set boundaries around your child’s care and be prepared for when they come home from school or need to leave the house.
Tips for communicating with your child’s other parent
1. Do not criticize their parenting before your child or interpret what they do as being personal against you. At the same time, it is important to let them know that you are there for support if they need it and that you will be there for them if necessary.
2. Do not blame your ex-spouse for all of the problems in your child’s life. This can cause your child to be uncomfortable around their other parent and feel like they cannot be themselves around them.
3. Make a point to get along with each other and be open-minded for the sake of your child. They will pick up on any tension and stress between you, so it’s good to keep things light.
4. Be sure to have a pace for when you would like to discuss specific topics. It’s also a good idea to set up other family meetings in the future to avoid having unnecessary conflicts around your child’s care.
5. If you feel upset and uncomfortable, it is important to speak with your child’s other parents to know what is going on. They can always help support you, so they can determine if they want you to talk with their child or not.
Final Thought
Setting boundaries as a parent in the same household can create a better environment for your child. It’s also important to remember what you want out of life and to focus on preventing any arguments from arising. Always make an effort to maintain a loving and supportive relationship with your child’s other parent and be willing to compromise on certain parenting issues. You will have to work together and determine what is best for your child, so it’s important to set these boundaries beforehand.
Author Bio
Andrea is currently the head of content management at SpringHive Web Design Company, a digital agency that provides creative web design, social media marketing, email marketing, and search engine optimization services to small businesses and entrepreneurs. She is also a blog contributor at Baby Steps Preschool where she writes storytime themes, parenting tips, and seasonal activities to entertain children.
