Ask any wife, and she would likely say that one of the most crucial relationships in a marriage, apart from that with their spouse is that with their mother-in-law. And this does not just apply in our culture – join mothering forums in the US, watch a Mexican telenovela, or follow a koreanovela series and you’d notice that issues surrounding the relationship with the Mother-In-Law or MIL is a constant topic.
And this is the reason why I got inspired to ask Mommy Paula if I can publish in this blog her open letter to her fellow moms on their relationship with their respective mothers-in-law.
So without further ado, sharing with you Mommy Paula’s open letter to fellow moms, another happypinaymommy reflection, this time on relationships between a mother-in-law and a daughter-in-law:
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#biyenankomahalko
By: Mommy Paula Judi Nangyo-Algoso
Hi mommies! I have been hearing issues regarding MILs or kahit na sinong inlaws. Medyo, nakakabother at some point. And this I have to share. I was once in a situation na di din ako okay or in good terms with my in-laws especially (my) MIL. And tumira din ako sa house nila pero for six months lang. And eto ang natutunan ko:
1.Hindi mo mababago kung sino ang in-laws mo, especially your MIL or FIL.
2. Hindi mo sila mabubura sa buhay mo, hangga’t asawa mo ang asawa mo or kasama mo ang partner mo.
3. Yes, hindi mo sila mababago but the Lord can. Pray for them na baguhin yung attitude nila sayo. Ikaw din, pray for yourself na mas maging patient and loving (ka). And makita mo yung kabutihan nila and makita din nila kabutihan mo. This was one of the most effective ways na ginawa ko. Inadvice sa akin to ng DGroup leader namin.
Mommy Paula with her Mother-in-Law Mommy Rose. Mommy Paula says “I have good relationship with my MIL now. Dati I super hate her and she super hates me… (Now) I love her just how my hubby loves her.”
4. If you are living with your inlaws, why not LEAVE AND CLEAVE??? There can’t be two kings and two queens in one palace. So technically, yung mas matatanda ang king and queen. Isa din to sa effective moves na ginawa namin mag-asawa. Kinaya namin magkaroon ng sarili namin. We started with a very small place since isa pa lang naman baby namin that time. Tiis-tiis kung ano meron. Basta may peace of mind. Mahirap talaga makisama at makitira.
5. Respect. Show respect for the elders kahit ‘di ka nila irespect. Show some love for them too kahit ‘di ka nila love. Then continue praying, one day magiging respectful and loveable din sila. Remember, parents sila ng asawa mo. Kaya wala kang choice. Unless palitan mo asawa mo. ✌
6. Try to talk with them especially to your MIL. The more nilalayo mo sarili mo, the more lumalaki yung gap. Tayong mga manugang gagawa ng move, hindi sila. Hanapin mo ung kiliti sabi nga nila..effective din to. I give my MIL small things. Simpleng cheeseburger napakasaya na nun. Basta nakikita niyang mahal mo din pala siya. Take time to bond or hang-out din. Kahit kwentuhan lang ganun over coffee or cake.
Bonding with the MIL. Mommy Paula says hanging out with her mother-in-law has also helped strengthen their relationship.
7. In the end, talo ka kung magpapatalo ka sa inis or galit. MILs/FILs are born to be spoilers lalo sa mga apo. Or kontrabidas parang sa pelikula. But until you know them more malalaman mo may good heart pala sila.
Let’s reflect, ano nga ba nagawa natin para kaayawan nila tayo? Ano ba nagawa natin para mahalin din nila tayo? Ano ba nagawa natin bakit ganun sila? Or ganun na talaga sila?
I have good relationship with my MIL now. Dati I super hate her and she super hates me. Nakilala na namin isa’t isa. Hindi na siya pakielamera at kontrabida. I love her just how my hubby loves her. We go out once in a while and pinagmamalaki niya ko sa ibang tao, based sa kwento nila saken kasi alam nila before kung gaano kaaayaw ni MIL saken hahaha. Kaya, wag niyo isiping wala ng pag-asa kasi meron pa yan. Kailangan lang i-work-out and pray, pray, pray.
Love and respect wins. Mommy Paula shares wiith happypinaymommy.com a screen grab of her MIL’s birthday greeting to her.
I hope this helps. Salamat sa nagbasa ng novela heheh. #biyenankomahalko
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Thank you Mommy Paula, for allowing us to re-post your Open Letter. To my dear readers, let me know if you would like to contribute an article, a poem, a song you composed, or even your random thoughts so that we can share it with our fellow moms. You may get in touch with me by dropping by my Facebook page. Hope you can also hit the like button while you are there so you can receive regular updates from Happypinaymommy.com direct on your newsfeed.
Thank you so much!
A Happy Homemaker is a Happy Pinay Mommy!
Leaving you with this video on how to have a great relationship with your mother in law:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xvu_RJWwzKI