Tempers can run high following a divorce or separation. There is likely to be a lot of residual anger and hurt associated with the breakup. These problems can be made more acute if you have kids together because you can’t just cut off contact with the other person as easily. Follow these tips to help you deal with your ex when you have kids together.
Set Guidelines
You may have involved a lawyer to help you separate your assets, but you could also use a lawyer to help you set some guidelines when it comes to the kids. Lawyers like M. Sue Wilson are experienced in issues relating to the kids. They can help you to set up custody agreements and rules relating to access. Once these have been discussed and decided, make sure you stick to them. Changing access or visitation times is going to anger your ex and it will not help you to move forward. Do not punish your ex by changing the rules you have set yourself. It will be your kids that lose out most.
Keep Calm
Seeing your ex may invoke emotions. However, getting angry and going over old ground is going to have a negative impact on your kids. Try to keep calm when you deal with your ex. Use some breathing techniques to help you with this. You probably won’t have to spend long periods of time with your ex, so it is okay to walk away and then scream and shout if you need to – just don’t do it in front of the kids. Remember that your kids won’t be young forever; eventually they will grow up and you will be able to have a relationship with them without having to involve your ex.
Focus
Your point of focus should be your kids. So, keep yourself mentally strong when it comes to dealing with your ex and don’t let old arguments resurface. This may be difficult at first but as time goes on it will get easier. Don’t allow yourself to be dragged into the past by your ex. Concentrate solely on the kids and know that you can walk away from the immediate situation if you need some breathing space.
Get a Go Between
If you and your ex really can’t be around each other without screaming, then it may be time to call on the help of a third party. Try not to involve this person in the arguments between you and your ex but ask them to arrange the pickup and drop off your kids so that you don’t have to see your ex-partner. This could be a lot better for the kids as it means that tempers won’t be frayed by them seeing their other parent and they won’t feel guilty about doing so.
Time really does heal all wounds and, at some point in the future, all this will be a distant memory. Follow these tips to help you deal with your ex right now and know that the situation won’t last forever.
Till next post! A Happy Homemaker is a Happy Pinay Mommy!